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Dear Elena:
Thank you very much for your web site and the very generous amount of  information you provide; especially the FAQ's.  I am currently in the process of getting a divorce here in the good ol' US of A and I am tired, as you put it, of "Western women"... I am hoping to find my "dream girl" in either Russia or the Ukraine.... as a matter of fact, I am beginning to learn some Russian... not very good at all yet... and I have been doing some research into the culture. I work as a counselor at a Technical College in Texas... I have seen couples come in where the woman is Russian. They are very happy and the woman is typically stunningly attractive (notice I didn't say beautiful??? I read your  FAQ on that) and they have all been very nice.  Thanks again for your site and keep up the good work! 

Bill W. (USA)


You have a wonderful, informative website. I discovered it just yesterday and have browsed through it with great appreciation. I have been corresponding with a Russian lady for a few weeks who I discovered as a result of curiosity and good fortune and not by an intentional search through a dating agency. And I can honestly say I look forward to reading her e-mail at night more than I have looked forward to going out on occasion with local women. You have a first class website and I am sure I will visit it frequently in the future.

Phil


Dear Elena,
After reading the excellent information on your web site, I would just like to take the opportunity to complement you for providing what appears to honest and frank information about Russian women and the men who try to build relationships with them. I only wish I had found your web site three months ago, it would have stopped me making several mistakes. If you are interested, I have written some information below about myself and my experiences so far.

When I first started to read the profiles of Russian women, I was very confused and could not understand at all what they meant when they described themselves and what they were looking for. Your Glossary / translation of ladies comments is excellent. It's all perfectly clear now.

I decided to look for a partner abroad after reading an article in a national newspaper regarding divorce in UK. The article showed data that the success of a marriage between a British man and a foreigner (the article wasn't aimed at East European women), was much greater (I can't remember the exact  figures) than with a British women. With 300'000 marriages in the UK each year (UK population 57 million), it is evident that a high proportion of people believe in the constitution of marriage. But 150'000 divorces occur each year.

I live in the UK and I wrote to a young lady in Moscow (whose address I bought from a web site). Just today I received a nice surprise, she sent to me a Russian grammar book, because she knows that I have decided to learn Russian. I'm planning to visit this lady in Moscow during September and I'm very excited about our meeting. We have e-mailed each other on a weekly basis and I telephone at least once a week.

My friend in Moscow is 8 years younger than I, so I'm a little concerned
about the age difference. Her profile said she wanted to meet men between 30 and 40 years of age. I did find that unusual as she is only 23, but you seemed to suggest that the age difference is not too unusual!

I hope this information is useful and not too boring! And thanks again for your informative web site, it has answered a lot of questions that I have had in my mind since I started this journey. Hopefully my first meeting with this charming lady will be a success, but should we both find that we are incompatible, I'll make sure I use your services in the future.

Kind regards,
Terry W. (UK)


Hi Elena,
I found your site very interesting and informative. I recently met and have been dating a Russian girl from work, who I met at a company conference. I didn't even know she is Russian, she looks very Italian! Anyway, she's an incredibly warm, loving, intelligent person, and I love her very much. I guess at first I was a little wary about dating a 'Russian girl'. Some of the questions addressed on your site were running through my head. However, as time passes, I've come to realize that there's nothing sinister, I accept her at face value and consequentially, we're now very much in love. People need to realize that not all Russian girls are trying to pull a 'scam'. There are very genuine, very kind, sweet, caring and loving girls out there. I didn't use an agency to meet my girlfriend, I wasn't looking specifically for a Russian girlfriend, it just happened. Now, I wouldn't change it for the world.

David (UK)


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Why Australian women make bad wives?

DISCLAIMER: This article was authored by a guest author and is published as a point of view only. Russian Brides Cyber Guide does NOT share this point of view in its entirety.


By Phil Bachmann

Australia is a paradox. On the one hand it has plenty of everything - lots of space, pleasant weather, plenty of precious metals still to be dug up, and no ancient enemies. So the people here should be happy, right? No, not right. Australian men are more likely than just about any group of people on earth to want to kill themselves. It's not because of the kangaroos, it because of the women. Australian women.

What are Australian women doing that drives the men here to such depths of despair? There may be a hundred reasons, but I'll provide you with maybe the top ten.

Each entry suggests a typical attitude of Australian women, and the subsequent text contrasts this attitude with some better behavior.

Note that older Australian women (50+) have told me that the following comments do not pertain to them - just to their daughters - whom they hardly understand.

Aussie women: "I have certain expectations"
Better: "I am happy to lower my expectations as required"

An excellent runner might be disappointed to only come second in a running race. An average runner might be delighted to come third. 

An important part of being a good wife is constantly managing your expectations so that they are below what your husband is likely to deliver. Then you can be happy that your husband is always "Above expectations."

"Family and friends are everything to me"
Better: "My husband is number one"

It seems to me that, other than to herself, an Australian woman's loyalty is ordered as follows:

  • Her children (if she has any)
  • Her parents
  • Her friends
  • Her husband

A good wife would keep her husband to the top of the list, knowing that loyal support of a good man will confirm his loyalty to her (as well as being a reward in itself).

(Of course people down the order shouldn't always have their wishes overridden by those higher up.)

"The relationship between a husband and wife should be equal"
Better: "The relationship between a husband and wife should be balanced"

Equality means "the same", and no two people are the same. No-one would think it was right to treat a dog and a donkey equally.

Balance means ensuring that individuals are given privileges in accordance with their responsibilities, abilities and past contributions.

"It's not polite to make fun"
Better: "Gentle ridicule clears the air"

Once there was an Australian man who brought a Russian woman to Australia to see whether she'd like to be his wife. She had high expectations of Western opulence and was shocked to find that the house in which he lived had bugs crawling around the cupboards. She was also amazed to discover that when she opened a bottle of after-shave from his bathroom that the smell was worse than Russian after-shave.

Afterwards she told him, "You know your after-shave is terrible! It doesn't attract women, only bugs!"

The Russian expressed her disappointment in a way that made her feel better, and made him smile too. Her statement enhanced their relationship.

An Australian woman in the same situation probably wouldn't have said anything (maybe just looked disdainful), and the disappointment would have stayed with her only to fester in her mind.

"There are some things no woman should put up with"
Better: "Take the bad with the good"

No woman likes to be smacked, yelled at, cheated on, or neglected. How many women want to be married to a man who doesn't make much money or drinks too much?

But a marriage of any length is going to involve both parties getting some of what they don't want, so what to do?

Australian women seem to have found two answers:

  • Marry a man you find yourself attracted to and hope for the best. If at any stage you get something you don't like: tell the world, divorce the man and sue him for child support.
  • Marry a perfect man and remind him every now and then that he will lose his wife, his house and his kids if he ever makes a mistake.

I saw a movie where a boy was growing up in Ireland in the early 1900's had a father who was always drunk and out of work. But the boy found great value in his father's unique and charming insights into how the world worked. The boy felt he owed some of his later creative output to his father.

Any person who believes that their spouse is worthless as a parent is kidding themselves.

A good wife will:

  • Remember the good times in her marriage before complaining about the bad times.
  • Remember her husband's strengths not just stare at his weaknesses.
  • Celebrate his masculinity, not criticize his lack of feminine virtues.
  • Ask herself, "Is this weakness so important? Can I shrug it off?"
  • Ask herself whether there is anything nice she can do for her husband that could alter his behavior.
  • Be more concerned with improving herself than with improving him.

A good wife would only threaten to walk out as a last resort - knowing that a man with a lot to give will stop contributing to something that is likely to disintegrate.

"I like to watch"
Better: "I like to think"

When Australian woman are asked about their interests they often respond with, "I like to go out to the movies or I like to stay home in front of the TV." Never do they say, "I like to think."

There are several reasons why "thinkers" make better wives than "watchers":

  • TV shows and popular movies are very similar to one another, the jokes and situations don't change much, only the actors and settings do. Watchers usually end up being as boring as the shows they watch.
  • TV tries to keep you engaged and to buy merchandise, it doesn't try to show you how to live a good life. That means that the values TV imparts are useless, or worse.
  • If you don't spend time thinking, how will understand what life must be like for other people?
  • If you don't spend time thinking, how will you generate the fresh insights that will make you interesting to listen to?

"Compromise"
Better: "Design"

What if you want to go shopping with your husband and he wants to take you to see a game of football?

A compromise would be to do half the shopping and then see half the game of football.

A designed solution would be one that considered the various factors and came up with a solution that provided the best outcome for both parties. Factors might include:

  • What did they like and not like about shopping and sport?
  • How much time did they have? What alternative times were possible?
  • What other activities could substitute?
  • Who else might be interested in going shopping or to the football?
  • Key to getting a designed solution is a willingness to allow some time for discussion before a decision is made.

"Husbands shouldn't tell wives what to do"
Better: "Sometimes we all need guidance"

A group of Australian women were discussing a certain TV show, which happens to be not worth watching. I said to them, "Now ladies, do your husbands really let you watch that show?"

They turned to me in amazement, and one of them said, "Why would we consult our husbands on what we watch -- do you think that we're children who need to be supervised?"

I did not answer that woman, as clearly we were from two different planets.

The proper way to think about it was explained by the famous golfer, Greg Norman, when he was asked why he appreciated his wife. He said, "My wife is the only person on Earth who is on my side, and yet who isn't me. I can ask myself for advice, but I usually get the answers I expect. When my wife gives me advice, it is something new and challenging, but still aimed at my best interest. Everyone else gives me advice that serves their own interests."

People should use those close to them as helpers in guiding them through life, which includes listening to your loved ones when they tell you what's good for you to watch.

I saw an Australian man plead with his wife to arrange things so that he and she and their little girl could all have dinner together as a family in the evenings, rather than separately in front of the TV. Of course she ignored his request.
Australian women listen carefully to TV's advice on how they should deal with their husbands, and yet ignore their husband's advice on what should be done with the TV.

"I know what I like"
Better: "I want to learn to appreciate something new"

A small child looks at a piece of broccoli on his plate at the dinner table and shouts, "I don't like this!" His mother wishes just once he would say, "Last time I had this - I didn't like it. But today I will try harder!"

Probably the reason there are so few children who act in the second way is that they learn how to behave from their parents.

If you say to an Australian woman, "I can help you learn to appreciate things you never knew existed!", she will become resentful and tell you that you are being "patronizing".

A good wife, by contrast, is always looking for new things to admire.

"I don't want to be a good little wife"
Better: "I want to be a good wife"

The main reason Australian women make bad wives is because they're not even trying to be good wives. Instead many see marriage as a prison that stops them from having a successful career and an exciting love life.

What they fail to appreciate is that everyone has to work within limitations. As a man I have limitations, but you don't see me losing sleep over the fact that I will never be able to bear a child, or enliven a room full of men just by moving my bottom.

A much better attitude was shown by Marie Curie, who had as a young woman decided to marry someone smart. Her husband then helped her learn what she needed to in order to become one of the world's leading scientists.

Phil Bachmann nmt
Castlemaine, Australia
Copyright 2002


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