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By
Anonymous
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris,
Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the
girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2
item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average
number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would
not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will
dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children........ A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some
short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing.
AND FINALLY: .....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
jack asses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied,
"in-laws."
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