Strange way maybe the best way
by Steve Chapple
seems a rather unusual way to meet your wife, but maybe it's the
best way getting to know someone's personality via letters and
conversations before meeting in person and hormones start
affecting thoughts and decisions.
I don't know if I'll meet my wife via "the web",
but I know she'll be one of Elena's Models if I do.
was born (in the late 60's) in Alberta and have lived here all my
life. Between my early shyness and the poor demographics here, I
can probably count the number of women I've dated on both hands, and
it wasn't till my late 20's that I even had my first kiss.
Knowing what it's like to be rejected when asking someone
out, I had resolved that if a woman asked me out - even if I wasn't
interested in her - I'd go out with her at least once.
That policy (now changed) subjected me to a two year sentence
with my first girlfriend. She
wanted to get married, but from fairly early on that seemed unlikely
to me. Nevertheless things weren't too bad while we were together,
and I had no basis of comparison, so it ended up being a two year
seen 87's "Fatal Attraction" or 93's "The
Crush"?) If only
I'd known then what I know now - I wouldn't be missing two years of
my life and thousands of dollars.
continued to observe that the only women worth marrying were already
married, I started to wonder; Is it just me, or are things really
this bad. I checked the
latest census data and found that it's not just me.
If I was a generation older the ratio would be almost two to
one in my favor, but for my age range and province, there are three
single men for every two single women.
Add in other factors like smoking, over-eating, etc. and the
odds are quite poor.
had a year to recover from the worst mistake of my life, it occurred
to me that with women statistically living longer than men, perhaps
I should consider "older women".
With that in mind I tried a local telephone dating service
and met a lady almost a decade older than myself - though she looked
and acted younger than her age.
From our first meeting we couldn't keep our hands off each
other, and she too expected us to get married.
As our two year anniversary approached, it was only fair that
I either do so or let her go. Even though it probably meant I would never be a husband or
father, I decided to follow some trusted advice; "Don't marry
the one you can live with - marry the one you can't live
without." She was
heartbroken, but within a year she was married - ironically to a guy
I was almost roommates with. He's
a much better match for her both in age and personality, and I'm
happy for her.
my sister came back home after several years in Japan and it
occurred to me that while her being the only "marriable"
woman I know doesn't help me, my four best friends are in the same
predicament as myself. I
invited two of them to my birthday party (which of course my sister
was at) and sure enough, less than a year later my buddy became my
couldn't return the favor as he's an only child, but he did tell me
about a website with Russian and Ukrainian ladies looking for a
husbands here in "the west".
Until I introduced him to my sister, he was planning to write
to some of these ladies himself.
was amazed by what I found on the website he recommended and others
that I found. Here were
literally thousands of beautiful women who wanted to be wives and
mothers. But how do I
choose whom to write to? Even
if I managed to choose, what would I say? With our different backgrounds would a marriage last?
A common view over here is that "these women just want a
'green card' "; Was it true? I know I would be a good husband and father - If I could find
a sincere lady, our marriage should stand the test of time.
the shortage of "marriable" men there and of "marriable"
women here, it seems the ideal solution, but whom to write to? One of my favorite websites included the number of times a
ladies' address had been requested.
I found this quite helpful - why bother writing to a lady
whom a hundred other men have written to?
Likewise if she's had only a few (or zero) men write to her
she should be more interested.
The most useful feature I found was a search engine on the
website for "A Foreign Affair".
(At the time I didn't know of Elena's website - perhaps it
didn't even exist yet.) AFA
said that they had taken the approximately quarter million
applications and selected the best 10% or so.
By using their search engine I would effectively be narrowing
the field from a quarter million to the few that seemed best suited
to me. From the 20,000
or so profiles AFA had for ladies for the former Soviet Union, I
used the search engine to narrow the field to 52.
Of the 52 ladies, the first one I saw was Polina - from the
little information there, she seemed an excellent match for me.
Would I need to write 52 letters?
As it turned out - no. She
was the only one of 52 that I was interested in writing to.
year ago I spent many hours composing my letter to Polina - I hoped
it might be a sort of Christmas (or New Year's) present for her and
that perhaps even her reply might arrive on Valentine's Day.
I told her about me and my family, a bit of what my life is
like, etc. and included a few photos.
I never heard back from her.
Either my letter didn't reach her, or her reply didn't reach
me, or she chose not to reply - most likely the latter.
became somewhat disenchanted with the whole idea, but a couple
months ago I was "surfing" and saw an ad for yet another
dating website. I
followed some links to some other sites and eventually found this
site as the "black list" was linked to from another site.
(I have tried to find the site that "referred" me
here, but have been unable to do so.)
Now here was
a site worth visiting - a wealth of information - the answers and
explanations to most of the mysteries of this whole scenario,
written by someone who would actually know and seems to care about
making matches that will succeed long term.
Where other sites often gave little more than a photo, here
the ladies could actually write about themselves and the type of man
they were looking for. With
these additional words the search engine actually becomes useful,
and choosing a lady to write to can be based on more than a mere
photograph. The advice,
the myths and reality, the many FAQs, even finding out what
"active rest" and "shaping" mean. Whether Elena's insights were a surprise or confirmed what I
thought, all of it was (and is) interesting and informative.
I even found the probable cause for not hearing back from
Polina. I had told her
that she was the only lady I was writing to, thinking that would
make her feel special, but apparently that was about "the most
stupid thing one can write to a woman".
Of course I wasn't (and could not be) in love with a woman I
hadn't even met yet, but after reading FAQ13 and the rest of Elena's
advice, I no longer wonder what happened, and I'm ready to try again
- properly this time.
I think of the aspects of this whole scenario - it seems like such a
strange way to meet your wife - but maybe it's the best way.
With the snow on the ground it reminds me of one of my
favorite songs - of what Joseph probably thought that first
me? I'm just a
simple man of trade.
Him, of all the
rulers in the world?
here? Inside this
stable filled with hay.
her? She's just
an ordinary girl.
I'm not one to second-guess what angels have to say,
this is such a strange way to save the world.
A Gold Mine of Information and Help
by Stephan Wanzek: "The fact you are reading this right now proves that you
have found one of the best sources for information about
FSUW available for men, the Russian Bride Cyber Guide..."
Strange way maybe the best way
by Steve Chapple: "It seems a rather
unusual way to meet your wife, but maybe it's the best way
getting to know someone's personality via letters and
conversations before meeting in person and hormones
start affecting thoughts and decisions..."
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