What about Russian Men?

Q: What about the men? Are the Russian men all sexist alcoholics? How do they feel about Russian women looking elsewhere for husbands?

Of course not all Russian men are sexists alcoholics. There are some very good ones. The problem is Russian family model. Sexism is a natural part of it.

In capitals (Moscow and St. Petersburg) the situation is better, they are more westernized, but in regions it's still very chauvinistic. If you are a single woman, you're worth nothing. Any man can offend you. You must have a strong boyfriend (or lover - even if he is married) to protect you. So a woman is not considered as somebody respectable unless she is married, and even then, she will be considered in regard at to who is her husband. A widow / ex-wife of a person with high social status (who can be a high-level criminal as well) is still considered according to his social status and gains respect according to it. Even being married to a guy who has many lovers a woman gains higher respect that if she were single.

So marriage for a woman becomes "thing in itself". And if a woman wants to find an equal partner, it is not easy if she is over 25. At the age of 18 men and women are the same, and it's easy to find a partner - and most people get married before the age of 22. But later - all good men are married, and the ones that are available are not willing to commit or not good. Also, women in Russia are generally better educated than men, and this also adds to the gap in the search for a suitable partner.

There is a significant disproportion between men and women in terms of demographics, and this difference in percentage results in quite big absolute number of women who will never be able to find a partner, and this absolute number grows with the age. A woman of 35 years old has virtually no chance of finding a husband in Russia.

According to the latest data, in Russia there are only 88 males for 100 females (87 in Ukraine, 88 in Belarus, 92 in Kazakhstan, 92 in Moldova) - Pocket World in Figures: 2004 edition, The Economist, 2003, ISBN 1 861975554, p. 22.

This leads to the situation when single men have a choice of available women, and worthy men quickly get spoilt. You probably will not believe me but in Russia it's women that are cherishing men, and not the other way around.

Regarding men's feelings towards women looking for somebody abroad, of course it's negative. I overheard once a talk between a woman and a man discussing their acquaintance marrying a foreigner, and the man said "It's terrible that the nicest women are leaving for abroad".

Women in Russia do not tell everybody about their search for a foreign husband because it's obviously act of despair, with a very slight chance to succeed. Only the closest friends know that. Only my close family and 3-4 close friends were aware that I was looking for somebody abroad; the rest of the friends got news when I already had my visa. You see, it is not easy to admit that you have failed in finding partner in "normal" way.

Also the society's position towards this trend is rather negative. Society considers women looking for a husband abroad as looking for a better life and money - "selling themselves for money"; in some extent it can be viewed like this, but mostly Russian women's search abroad is the result of absence of suitable men in Russia.

Last month Top FAQ:

Q: I was in contact with a nice woman and we corresponded via email for several months. I told her I would like to visit her country, and told her I was saving money to come and visit. At that moment, she dropped me like I said something terribly wrong and the tone of the letters changed and were very business like. It's been 6 months since her last response. What did I do wrong?

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