Why Look for a Wife in Russia?
By Clinton Carey
"I'm not happy, and I want to move out."
Consider what you would do in that
situation. I had returned home from work, after a short business trip, and
returned home to find the house vacant. Not an unusual circumstance. My
wife worked, but much shorter hours than I did. I just thought she must be
working a little later than normal. So, as was customary in our house,
whoever gets home first makes supper. I made the meal and put her portion
in the oven to keep warm. Over an hour later she finally got home. We ate our
supper watching TV and, as usual, in silence. Finally at the end of the meal I
asked if she had to work late.
In a rather hostile tone of voice, she
snapped: "No!" Well, here we go, I thought, another icy silence, and night of walking on eggshells, because I
didn't want to further upset "She Who Must be Appeased." I danced around
the subject a little, not because I wanted to check up on her, but rather
because I really was curious where she was for 3 hours after her normal work
time. If I only knew then what I know now! So, I asked her if she had been in
school. She was taking computer courses in college, but it wasn't her usual
night for classes. She glanced at me, and said "No" again. Well, this was
getting nowhere, so I gathered up the dishes and put them in the sink. I
returned to the living room, sat on the couch, and our two small dogs jumped
into my lap begging to be petted. It seemed to infuriate her. She looked at
me and said:
"I have something to tell you."
Here it comes, I thought. "Yes?"
"You're not going to like it."
I thought I knew where the conversation was headed. "Well, if it's important, tell me."
"I don't know if I should tell you."
OK, this is getting annoying. "If you have something to say, say it. It's obviously something that's bothering you, what is it?"
"I'm not happy, and I want to move out."
Well. There it was. Full stop. Finally out in the open. How does a person feel
about this? There are many emotions a person feels when the marriage is
effectively over. Do you blame yourself? Do you offer to change? Do you
suggest counseling? Then it hit me: the overpowering emotion, that overruled
them all, was a feeling of immense relief.
We had been living a sham marriage for the past four or five years. In our 12
and a half year relationship, I can truly say we were probably happy for about
4 years. I married her out of guilt. Raised in a very religious family, I felt
obligated by the judgment of my parents to marry her because we had "lived
in sin" for two and a half years before we married. She married me, because
she didn't think she would be able to find anyone else. In retrospect, she was
probably right. I found out later the true reason she wanted to leave was she
had been cheating with another man while I was on business trips. Their
relationship lasted less than six months after we separated.
When we met, she was 5' and 130 pounds. Not fat, but she still wanted to
lose a few pounds. If she lost 15 pounds she would have looked great. But, I
am not wrapped up in appearances, and a few extra pounds on a woman does not concern me. When she left, she was 5' and 245 pounds. Let's face
it. That bothered me. How she could just let herself go like that was an
indication to me that if she cared so little about herself, how could she care
for me? And, physical attraction, while it should NEVER be the sole part of a
relationship, obviously does have an effect on a person. A woman in Ohio
that I talked to summed it up nicely. She said: "Obviously attraction and
appearance makes a statement about a person. When I go into a bar, on a
girl's night out, I don't see an overweight guy, with both greasy hair and
dandruff, unshaven, with sloppy clothes, and think 'Hmm. I bet he has a great
personality.' A person's appearance does have an impact on other people."
So. There I was in a conundrum. Do I accept this and move on? Do I try to
make amends? Do we work this out and try to save our loveless marriage?
Then she hit me with: "I don't want this to be a big fight for a divorce. How do
you want to split up the bills?" Here it was again. She was very materialistic.
At one point in our marriage, she had said to me:" Why can't you make
$60,000 a year so I can stay at home?"
"For what?", I asked, "We don't have
kids, we don't have other obligations, why should I work longer hours, have
less of a social life, so you can sit at home, eat bon-bons, watch Oprah and
videos?" She was the type who would go shopping for herself every weekend, but would begrudge me if I ever
wanted to buy something just for myself. I was apparently greedy when I
bought clothes for myself twice a year.
At any rate, it was quite obvious to me that this was not a marriage worth
saving. I slept at the office for the next two weeks. She gave me her two
week's notice that she was leaving. Very business-like. Her father was
coming from out of town to pick her up and help her move. Following the long
weekend that she moved out, I returned home. She had left me the furniture
that we had bought together, and taken the furniture she had before we met.
Perfectly fair. The only part that bothered me was seeing most of the photos
we had taken together over the years we were together, thrown in the trash
like she couldn't bear to be reminded of our life together. I filed for divorce the
day after the long weekend.
Fast forward a few months...
My family was very supportive of me during the divorce. I bought a new
computer, and was looking for work where I did not have to travel as
frequently as I did. One day, over a beer with my brother, he suggested to me
that I place an ad on the Internet with a matchmaking agency. I laughed, and
dismissed the idea. As the weeks went on, I thought to myself,
"Why not? I travel a lot. I don't have time to meet women normally, and I definitely don't
like the bar scene with its' head games and lack of quality in both men and
women. So, I placed an ad, and sent a few letters. The vast majority of the
letters from women in North America came with a photo that was nothing like
they had described themselves in the letters, or were so vapid and meaningless that I had absolutely no interest. many of them started out in
the letter like this: "My name is ....., Thanks for writing. What do you do for a
living?" My first thought when they wrote this was their actual question was:
"How much do you make, and when can I get it?" In the reply, I would usually
mention that I traveled a lot, and that is why I didn't have time to meet women
in my hometown. I would make no mention of the money I made, and that is
usually the last I would hear from the women. Then, I got a letter from
I got the letter in email form, from a devastatingly beautiful girl, who wrote an
almost apologetic letter to me. She apologized for her English, and ended by
saying she would understand if I did not want to talk to her as she was so far
away. More out of curiosity, I wrote back. We exchanged a few letters, then
BAM! There was the letter requesting money to come to visit me. Well, my
mama didn't raise me to be a fool, so I sent her a letter saying I would not
give her money upfront, but I would happily reimburse her for her expenses
when she got here. Needless to say, I never heard from her again.
But that letter had piqued my interest. I began to research the Russian
Women dating/matchmaking situation. The more I read, the more interested I
became. Here were women, often very well educated, cultured, with traditional values, more conservative in many aspects than the women I
knew, and often very attractive, who seemed interested in me for ME. Not my
bank account, or job status, or even worried about where I lived. Not meaning
to sound arrogant, but I had dated a few very attractive women in North
America, but there was always something missing in the relationship. They
seemed empty, hollow, or just plain airheads. I had a few female friends that
were just that: friends. Those seemed to be the best relationships. We were
friends, but knew it would be nothing more.
On the contrary, here were
Russian women who I seemed to have a similar relationship with, with the
added benefit that I felt a strong attraction to them, and THEY WERE
ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP. I began a serious correspondence with a lady in Russia, and we seemed to be getting
along quite well. I made plans to meet her, and I was looking forward to the
trip. But then, less than 2 weeks before I was to meet her I received a letter
telling me she had met another man and was engaged.
I was not quite heartbroken, as we had not yet met, and we had not
proclaimed that we had feelings for each other. But I was very disappointed. I
did contact Elena from this site, and bought a starter package to hopefully be
able to meet someone when I was there, because I certainly wasn't going to
cancel my trip at this late date.
A long story short: I replied to a few of the more than 100 responses I
had in 10 days, and made arrangements to meet 2 ladies, and a third who
was not able to contact me until I arrived in Moscow. The first was a lady who
agreed to meet me at the airport, and help me find my way to the hotel I
was staying at. The second traveled by train 2000 kms each way to meet me. I
was stunned! I also had offers from a lady in Belarus who would take the
train to meet me in Moscow. At home, most women will not travel to the
other end of the city to meet you!
I also took some copies of some profiles I liked from an agency in
Moscow, with the intentions of meeting with the agency while I was there. Well, I
didn't need the profiles! Of the sincere ones (I did have more than a few scammers
write to me from other agencies in the past.) who wrote to me during the
correspondence phase, there seemed to be a very straightforwardness to the
letters. Not quite to the point of being blunt, but it seemed they were very
clear in knowing what they wanted or expected from a relationship, and they
told what they had to offer to a relationship. Many of them were also very
forthright in describing their faults as well. It seemed to be that the sincere
ones were very honest and realistic in their letters.
So, I was off to Russia, a lot of nervousness and trepidation on my part, and
thinking I must be crazy to fly halfway around the world just to meet women
who I had only written a few letters to. But, in the end I thought: I've wanted to
visit Russia since I was 15 years old. If nothing else, I will just relax and
enjoy my vacation. My flight was late in arriving in Moscow, my luggage was
lost, and I was delayed through customs. I was thinking this girl would never
be there by the time I got through the line. Since I still had to search for my
luggage, I asked the Lufthansa representative to escort me through the
customs line so I could see if I still had people waiting for me. After pushing
through the crowd, I eventually found the driver with my name on a card.
Standing next to him was a devastatingly gorgeous lady. When she said my
name, I could not believe this was the same lady I had written to. My first
thought was "Her pictures do NOT do her justice!" She looked surprised to
see me, and gave a small gasp and put her hand over her heart when she
realized it was really me.
We went to the hotel, she waited for me and watched TV while I had a
shower, then we went for supper in the hotel and began to get to know each
other. During the meal we couldn't stop staring into each other's eyes,
and I actually began to feel uncomfortable. I finally asked her if I was doing
something culturally wrong, as she kept staring at me. She laughed and
said: "No, it is just the restaurant, the wine, the candles....you....phew!"
while she waved her hand in front of her face. Well, that broke the ice!
We laughed and talked for hours. We went to the lobby of the hotel and
talked some more. She asked if I would like to come with her the next day to
meet her parents. I was very flattered, but had to tell her I couldn't because I
had made arrangements to meet another lady who was coming by train to
meet me. She was disappointed, and looked it. I told her I would love to see
her again later in the week, and we could see some sights in Moscow. She
agreed and said she would call me when the other lady returned home,
as she had plans with family for the weekend. Another interesting thing she told
me later, is that because I refused to go with her to her parents', and still
went to meet the other lady, she knew I was a person to keep my promises.
The next day I met a girl from Ekaterinburg. Very nice girl, cared
very much about her appearance, very well educated but....nothing! There was no
spark between us at all. I had arranged separate rooms at the hotel and
was glad I had done so. We parted on Monday morning, as friends, but with no
plans to continue correspondence. It was very strange, since she was the
one I most wanted to meet. But, there is no point in continuing a relationship
if it will not work. Tanya arrived home, and called me the minute she walked
through the door. She asked if I could talk. I said sure. She asked where my lady
friend was. I said she was in her room. She said: "She is in her room, and
you are in your room? Don't you like the other lady?" I said:
"Not as much as you." She said: "VOT? You like ME??" and began speaking to her family in the
background in rapid Russian, which I understood maybe three words! After
she settled down, we made plans to meet for lunch after I took the other lady
back to her train.
When she arrived at the hotel, I gave her 5 roses, and she was so
surprised she almost had tears in her eyes. We spent the rest of my time
in Moscow with each other, and I met her family. They were incredibly
gracious and welcoming to me, and I have a new understanding of Russian
After my arrival, I found many or preconceived ideas of Russia had very little
merit. Here were some of the warmest, friendliest people I had ever met. It
helps of course, that I met them in the presence of the lady that became my
future wife. But her whole family welcomed me, almost a stranger, into their
home. They fed me, made me welcome, and her parents even gave up their
bed for me to sleep in so I wouldn't have to sleep on the floor. I was touched!
Never had I seen such generous, giving, people.
At one point, I had slipped in
the snow, and sprained my ankle. Her mother immediately gave me first aid,
and I have to admit, there must be something to those old folk cures. She
wrapped my ankle in bandages and applied some sort of lotion to ease the
pain. I was able to walk normally again two days later. Any time I had
sprained my ankle at home, I had been unable to walk normally for a week.
Before I left, her father gave me a family ring, my wife gave me a medallion,
and I felt almost embarrassed that all I had brought to give them were a bottle
of champagne, and a scented candle set for her mother. But I was assured
that what I had brought was very appreciated. I could tell that they were
appreciated because her mother's eyes lit up when she opened the candles,
and she immediately passed them around to let everyone in the family have a
sniff before she lit one. With her family, I felt accepted from the moment I
arrived to the time I had to return home.
When I finally had to return to the airport, we had a very hard time
separating. In her words: we were parting as much more than friends, but
not yet husband and wife. It was difficult to categorize our relationship, and
I later was told that she was hoping I would tell her I wanted a more
concrete relationship with her. But she understood I needed time to sort out
my feelings, and decide if I really did love her, or if it was infatuation.
As I went through customs, then the boarding area for the plane, I could see her
standing by the customs line for half an hour after she could no longer see
me. Later she told me it was because she was crying, and could not see in
front of herself to walk.
We continued correspondence, phone calls and Instant Messenger for 6
months. We began to express to each other our feelings, and I eventually
worked up the courage to ask her to marry me. She agreed immediately and
was very excited. Again she began speaking in Russian too quickly for me to
follow, and we agreed to use the computer to speak. We began to make
plans for marriage, and I began getting my visa and plane tickets all over
We decided that IF it was
possible, we would get married in Moscow. We spent 5 days jumping through
the hoops of Russian beareaucracy, but in the end, we were standing
before the ZAGS commissioner, and making our vows! We celebrated by having a
fancy dinner at a restaurant across the street from the office, and we had the
waitress take pictures of us toasting our new life together, and exchanging
rings. (On the RIGHT hand of course!) When I returned home, I organized
our documents, waited for the official translations from Russia, and sent in
our visa application.
Did I mention that during this whole time she has not ONCE asked for
money, and is insisting on paying her own translation and documentation
fees? I have offered her money for expenses, after all, we ARE married,
and the only time she accepted was when I sent her money on a bank card that
I provided her from my bank for her to purchase a Russian Language computer
course for me. (Much less expensive in Russia, than at home.)
They say that every dark cloud has a silver lining. If my divorce from my first
wife was the dark cloud, I have definitely found my silver lining. She is the
sweetest person I could ever hope to meet, and I consider myself fortunate
just to know her. That she actually agreed to be my wife, and married me,
makes me the luckiest man on the planet.
This time I got married for the right
This time, I married for love.
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No Shipping Cost for True Love
By Jim Collins: "You should see Don's wife,"
said Vern, "I'm tellin' ya, she could be a model. He got her
from Russia -- one of those mail order brides. He says she keeps the
house spotless and hardly ever complains."
by Dave Fuller: "She
seemed to lack a lot of self-confidence and was a sad
person. Well, did I read her wrong from her letters. She was
none of these. She was charming, cheerful, intelligent and
friendly. Her English was not very good but we could
communicate at a certain level. She was also very beautiful
Russian women are real treasures, and I found mine
"After visiting with her, I realized that she was not in any need of any material
items. Her family has own business, and live very good. She just had this desire that we as all humans have inside of us, to love and to be loved in
return. In fact, if she had her way, we would probably be living in Russia right now..." Read a story of Nick and Julia
came to realize that wishes indeed come true - a story
of Tom and Taya
More true-life stories
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