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Rejection - Is
It Real?
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Rejection - Is It Real? By Carol Chanel Copyright 2005 One thing I know about rejection is that it feels real. And even though it rarely is real, it sure feels that way. Why is it rarely real? First let's look at - what is rejection? It looks like someone decides they don't want to spend time, money, or share their heart with us. A person seemingly rejects us in favor of someone or something else. Or so it seems at first glance. What makes rejection seemingly hurt so much is that we perceive it to be a rejection of us personally. As a person, a human being. One of the definitions of rejection is to deny. The one we take personally is to discard as defective or useless. That one zings right into our hearts. One thing I know for certain -- absolutely no one on this earth can tell you that you're defective or useless. Well, they can tell you but you can `reject' their comment. The real pain behind rejection is that we think someone is saying we aren't worthy. We are defective or useless. Guess what, it's a lie. IT'S A LIE! You aren't defective, flawed or useless. Why is it a lie? No one is defective or useless. If we are breathing we have an opportunity to be quite useful and if there is something we want to change about our lives, we can do that. No one is defective. Why do you think that the other persons behavior is about you? It isn't. It's about them. Always. It's about what works and doesn't work for them. And if you don't `work' for someone, I guarantee you that you will work for someone else. And someone else will work better for you. And if someone can make you feel defective, then underneath you feel that way, otherwise you would reject that thought. You aren't defective. That's the truth. CLIENT EXAMPLE I worked with a fabulous woman - we'll call her Teresa. She is smart, kind, funny and very upbeat. But every time a man didn't want to be with her, she felt rejected. And it would put her into a tailspin. As we worked on having her realize and focus on the things that she liked about herself, she began to shift. Step by step, she began to realize she wasn't defective and that she was useful, and so much more. Then we looked at the various men in her life and what was going on with them. When she looked closely, she realized they weren't rejecting her. It wasn't personal. They had their own issues, insecurities, fears, etc. She also realized she was better off without them in her life on a romantic relationship basis. Neither person was defective or useless - they just weren't meant to be together in a romantic way. Now she is dating and enjoying herself and not rejecting herself or letting anyone else reject her. THE BEST RELATIONSHIP When you are in the best relationship for yourself and for the other person, you'll know it. It doesn't mean you are home free. There is always work in relationships. But you will know you're in love and loved. But that person - the best person - for you doesn't make you feel rejected when he has to take care of his own business. You know he loves you - he tells and shows you in various ways. He shows his appreciation and respect for you. And you show love, respect and appreciation of him, which creates a safe and courageous space for him. WORK ON YOURSELF So if this is a recurring theme in your life, then start right now to heal it. Begin by listing all the wonderful qualities you have. Then ask friends and family what it is they appreciate and like about you. Then look back on past relationships and honestly ask yourself where the man was in his life when he `rejected' you. What was going on in his life? What kind of man was he really? Often we love someone and know they are truly a good person, but their behavior is awful. Or maybe they just aren't available, so they can't be in a relationship. Maybe they came from an abusive home and they don't know how to love, or communicate. Most of us didn't learn how to be in healthy, thriving relationships. We learned our relationship skills at home and often they weren't the best models. YOUR CHOICE It's your choice whether you want to feel rejected or you want to accept that it wasn't the best person for you or vice versa. There isn't anything wrong in either case. No one is wrong, defective or useless. It just wasn't a good fit. So don't feel badly about yourself. You're a Goddess! If you want some help working through any old rejection patterns, give me a call or get some help from another source. Don't hold on to it any longer. When you love yourself, when you feel good about yourself, when you let yourself and others have what is needed, you will feel free. So love yourself, see your goodness, honor your Goddess. imagine the possibilities.... Carol Chanel is a Certified Life
Coach who helps people get UNSTUCK, have healthy, joyful relationships
and improve their love lives. Carol works with people by phone, from
all over the world; and writes an ezine, Rockin' Relationships, to
guide people through relationships. Do you
have an article we could publish? We want to hear from you! READ ALSO:
SHOOTING THE BULL: Slaying Dragons and Finding Love
- by Dawk Ziti, PhD. Ziti
tells his adventures on Elena's Models; how he became a member, reached
his "foxes" and fell head over heels in love with Maria. "Do you yearn to learn how I found the love of my life, lost her, located another, got dumped, and then did it again?"
Follow his advice to assist you in your endeavours.
Why Russian Women? - If you decided to find yourself a Russian wife, you would be inundated with questions of the type "Why Russian Women?" from everybody you cared to share your idea with. Surprisingly, every Russian woman you are writing to will ask the same question: "Why do you want to find a wife in Russia?" After a while, you might start questioning your own sanity in doing the thing which everybody, including your dates in this Internet rendezvous, consider strange enough to request explanations. Here you will find some ready-to-use answers for your family, friends and Russian women you are writing to. Russian women secrets - Do's and don'ts in your relationship with a Russian lady.
JUST RELEASED! New
E-book by Elena Petrova: Comment from
the reader:
This is the only book written by a beautiful Russian woman married to a western man - for more than 5 years! - and who is also the owner of a highly successful Internet dating agency. Find out once and forever what Russian women are really looking for, why they are looking for it and how you can give them exactly what they want! Get responses on your letters to beautiful Russian women - 9 out of 10, GUARANTEED! With "How To Find And Marry A Girl Like Me" you'll learn knock-out techniques that will instantly boost your success rate in dating Russian women - online and in real life. You will have more beautiful girls that want to be with you than you can handle! And not just ordinary girls! They will be beautiful, intelligent, but most of all - honest and sincere! You will be the one to take your pick! STOP wasting your time and money in search for a Russian wife... Get it done - painlessly, easily, and certainly! Moreover, have lots of fun along the way! Yes, you too can marry a girl like the one on the picture... Click here!
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