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THE HUMOR OF MELVIN DURAI: THE FOUR STAGES OF FINDING A MATE By Melvin Durai Copyright 2005 My wife and I have just completed four years in the institution of marriage, but no one's offering us a degree, not even a diploma. I might get in trouble for saying this, but I'm not sure which is harder: Four years of marriage or four years of college. At least in college, if you fail a test, you don't have to sleep with the dog. But don't get me wrong. I'm happy to have settled down, happy to have someone I can count on for love, affection, and, whenever needed, a wag of the tail. (My wife isn't bad either.) Best of all, I can smile whenever I see a single person searching for a mate, knowing that I survived that stage of my life. There are actually four stages -- and I almost went through all of them. CAREFREE STAGE: This stage occurs in your late teens and early twenties, usually in college or graduate school. There are so many attractive people around, you can't decide which ones to stare at. Playing "hard to get" seems like a good strategy, even if no one is trying to get you. Everyone seems available, and if they're not, just wait a minute or two. HOPEFUL STAGE: This stage occurs in your mid to late twenties. You're hoping to run into Mr. or Miss. Right at your workplace, but in case that doesn't happen, you're keeping your eyes open at the local bar. There are so many attractive people there, especially late at night, after your fourth beer. If you're a woman, you're enjoying loads of attention. One guy buys you a drink, while another charms you with a clever pick-up line: "Hey sweetheart, wanna have my children?" If you're a man, you're trying your best to make a connection with the hot waitress in the skimpy outfit. She might be your soul mate, for all you know, so what if she has a tattoo on her backside that says, "Tyrone was here." CONCERNED STAGE: You're starting to get worried, wondering if the person you were meant to be with, the person whom fate intended for you, lives in a grass hut in Burundi. For the first time in your life, you're considering joining the Peace Corps. Depending on your background and culture, you find yourself reading matrimonial ads, personal ads, or bathroom ads. "If you want to feel good all over, call Phil," one ad reads, and you wonder if Phil is a doctor. You even start to go on blind dates. As soon as you see the person your friends have set you up with, you close your eyes and pretend to be blind. DESPERATE STAGE: You don't want to seem desperate, but the idea of an arranged marriage is beginning to grow on you, as is your Internet pal from India. If you're a woman, you're relieved that there are still a few good catches in your age group, never mind that they all live in Alaska. You wonder if it's better to be "single and warm" or "married and frozen." You convince yourself that you're not lowering your standards -- you're just focusing on the positive aspects of men you meet. "He doesn't have a job," you say, "but he does have most of his teeth." If you're a man, you've started saving money for marriage expenses, though you haven't quite decided on a bride. They all look beautiful, especially the ones on the front of the catalog. Your search for a mate comes down to two important decisions: (1) Russian or Filipino; and (2) Regular or Express Mail. Melvin Durai is a writer, humorist and occasional stand-up comedian. Born in India and raised in Zambia, he has lived in the U.S. since 1982. To read or subscribe to his weekly columns, visit his website: http://MelvinDurai.com Do you
have an article we could publish? We want to hear from you! READ ALSO: SHOOTING THE BULL: Slaying Dragons and Finding Love - by Dawk Ziti, PhD. The candid and perplexed experience of Dawk Ziti in his search for a Russian bride: "I was pleased with my ditty and immediately sent a mass mailing to 10 women who were on my list. I got no reply, but instead of panicking, I decided to give them a few minutes to read the letter. With the time differential between the US and Eastern Europe, they were probably asleep right then anyway." If you aren't sure that search for a Russian bride is for you, you MUST read this to remove any doubts about dropping this idea once and forever!
Why Look for a Wife in Russia?
Myths and Reality Why Russian Women? - If you decided to find yourself a Russian wife, you would be inundated with questions of the type "Why Russian Women?" from everybody you cared to share your idea with. Surprisingly, every Russian woman you are writing to will ask the same question: "Why do you want to find a wife in Russia?" After a while, you might start questioning your own sanity in doing the thing which everybody, including your dates in this Internet rendezvous, consider strange enough to request explanations. Here you will find some ready-to-use answers for your family, friends and Russian women you are writing to. Russian women secrets - Do's and don'ts in your relationship with a Russian lady. The Universal Crib On Finding A Russian Wife - 101 tips for men seeking a young, beautiful Russian bride: the most compressed, step-by-step guidance on finding, courting and marrying a Russian woman. JUST RELEASED! New
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the reader: Discover how to find, court and finally marry a beautiful Russian woman! This is the only book written by a beautiful Russian woman married to a western man - for more than 5 years! - and who is also the owner of a highly successful Internet dating agency. Find out once and forever what Russian women are really looking for, why they are looking for it and how you can give them exactly what they want! Get responses on your letters to beautiful Russian women - 9 out of 10, GUARANTEED! With "How To Find And Marry A Girl Like Me" you'll learn knock-out techniques that will instantly boost your success rate in dating Russian women - online and in real life. You will have more beautiful girls that want to be with you than you can handle! And not just ordinary girls! They will be beautiful, intelligent, but most of all - honest and sincere! You will be the one to take your pick! STOP wasting your time and money in search for a Russian wife... Get it done - painlessly, easily, and certainly! Moreover, have lots of fun along the way! Yes, you too can marry a girl like the one on the picture... Click here!
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