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By Carol Chanel
The other night I watched the Jack Nicholson-Diane Keaton
romantic comedy, ‘Something’s Gotta Give’ for the third time. I wondered what I liked
about the movie that motivated me to watch it so many times.
Sure the writing and the acting is first rate, the locations are
spectacular and seeing Jack Nicholson in a comedic role is always a treat and Keanu
Reeves is a pleasure to look at.
And I finally figured out what was so great. How the characters
played by Nicholson and Keaton handled the break up of their brief, intense, highly
charged and unusual (for both of them) relationship.
They felt something they may not have felt before and it impacted
them in ways that encouraged them to make major changes in their
lives.
What they felt was love. And then they both felt the accompanying pain
when love doesn’t fit into the structure we think it should.
She turned her pain into creativity and wrote a funny play about
their relationship.
He decided to clean up his life and jumped on a plane to Paris to
find her.
It’s so fabulous what pain can spark in our lives. You can blast
off into a new dimension.
What do you do when a relationship ends? What do you do with the pain, the grief and the power of those emotions?
PAIN IS POWERFUL
Pain can be a great motivator. After all it lets us know we’re
alive. It keeps us awake. And crying can be so cleansing for the soul. That deep crying
that leaves you exhausted and yet in touch at a deep level with your truth.
Do you notice how sensitive you are to your feelings and the feelings of
others when you realize you’re in love and it doesn’t look like it will work
out? The pain that hits you in the stomach and leaves you feeling so
vulnerable. From that place – that vulnerable place – comes your truth, your
compassion, and best of all, feeling love. Really feeling it.
CLIENTS BREAKUPS
When my clients break up from any relationship, let’s stick to a
romantic one here, I help them process their pain and then help them learn so much
about themselves.
It often looks to other people like they were crazy to have dated
that person, crazy to have fallen in love with that person. Couldn’t they see that
person was so wrong for them?
Friends don’t want to see you hurting. But somewhere deep inside
yourself you know the truth. That feeling love like this is a good thing – even the pain
for a short period of time.
LIVING YOUR LIFE
Feeling love let’s you know you’re alive. You didn’t sit on the
sidelines watching other people live their lives; you got out there and lived yours.
Sure it hurts when a relationship doesn’t work out. But whose standards are
you using for ‘it didn’t work out?’
Not everyone we meet and date can or even should be our spouse. And
what’s so wrong with finding out that you love someone with all your
heart and soul and they aren’t the person you want to marry and live with forever?
Does that in any way negate the love, the connection? NO! Why does every
relationship have to be a serious committed one?
Doesn’t each person we are with teach us something wonderful? Something valuable? YES!! They really do. Look deeper.
Don’t go into ‘poor me’ or ‘untrusting woman’ or ‘pitiful guy’
mode! Please do nurture yourself but don’t go into victim and shut down. That is not the
purpose of any relationship.
Our heroine in the movie realized she could enjoy male company, young
and old. She became wildly creative and alive. She was already
successful and became even more so. And she came alive as a woman!
Our hero learned he did have a desire to be with a woman who understood
him, was at his level and was his soul mate. Pretty powerful for a confirmed
bachelor. He learned to cry, to feel, to love.
So if you’ve just broken up with someone or vice versa, please
allow yourself a few days or weeks to grieve. Nurture yourself.
Then with all that vulnerability, truth and love look, to see what you’ve just
learned. What wonderful thing came from that relationship? Can you still be
friends and do things together? Maybe, maybe not. You’ll know.
Don’t take your pain out on your friends, co-workers, family or
pets.
Do put the power of that energy to work for you. That energy is
so powerful. It can be constructive. You can use it to create, to contribute, to
serve, to Set Your Spirit Free.
Choose to be open, alive, vulnerable and trusting and get back out there
again to live and love. Let all that love in your heart overflow. You don’t have
to get back into a relationship and you will be so glad when you do
something wonderful and constructive with the love in your heart.
Make a contribution to your life and to others. Blast off! Set your spirit free!
You are love. Feel it, live it, give it.
ABOUT THE
AUTHOR
Carol Chanel is a Certified Life Coach who works with clients by
phone, from all over the world, to help them get UNSTUCK, have healthy relationships, improve their love lives and feel great
about themselves.
Contact details:
http://www.carolchanel.com
mailto:carol@carolchanel.com
310-998-8860
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