Have You Prepared Your Child 
For The School Bully?

By Patricia Gatto


School violence. The very words send shivers down a parent's  spine. Does the phrase school bully evoke the same emotions?  It should. 

As subtle as it may seem, bullying is a form of violence.  Experts estimate that almost 75% of today's youth will be  involved in some aspect of bullying before they enter high  school. And the chances are, your child will be one of the  statistics. Long gone is the idea that bullying is a natural  process of youth, a coming of age. It is unacceptable behavior  and the long lasting ramifications are far too great to ignore.

Before you can prepare your child for the bully, it is important  to understand what constitutes this type of behavior. Bullying  is defined as aggressive behavior repeatedly targeted at a child  of lesser physical or emotional strength. However, although a  child might not be the target of a bully, bystanders are also  victims. 


Bullying behavior is typically classified in three categories:

• Physical bullying is physical intimidation, hitting, kicking, 
  pushing, choking, and/or spitting.
  

• Verbal bullying is name-calling, threats, taunting, teasing, 
  rumor spreading, and slander.
  

• Social bullying is intentional exclusion and isolation from 
  social and peer group activities by manipulation and rumor 
  spreading.

The characteristics of a bully include impulsive, dominating  behavior, a low frustration level, a lack of empathy, a need  to be the center of attention, and unhealthy attitudes towards  violence and its consequences.

Although many believe insecurity and self-loathing are at the  root of a bully's problem, usually the opposite is true. Bullies tend to be over confidence. They portray a fearless nature and  physical strength, qualities often admired by their peers.

Many factors within a child's environment can contribute to their 
aggressive behavior, including family, peers group, neighborhood,  society, and school. Children who bully are more likely to  experience violence or neglect in the home and have less  supervision and involvement from their parents. Children picked  on by older siblings tend to become bullies themselves. Others  see bullying as a means to gain acceptance, friendship, and  popularity.

The victim of a bully is typically a child who appears insecure  or cautious, a child that rarely defends or retaliates when  confronted, and/or a child lacking in social skills or physical  strength. Unfortunately, since bullies lack compassion,  children with physical disabilities are also prey, and so are 
overweight children, and those that wear glasses or have a  speech impediment. However, any child can be the victim of a  bully. Bullies will also challenge popular children in attempt  to gain more popularity. Sometimes it is just a matter of being  in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The bully needs an audience. Therefore, bulling primarily  occurs on school grounds and is played out in front of a group.  Lunchrooms, playgrounds, hallways, locker rooms, and bathrooms  are prime areas for confrontation.

The elements of confrontation include the leader (bully), the  followers, the victim, and the bystanders. Research shows that  over 75% of school children will be involved in some aspect of  bullying before they reach high school, playing at least one,  if not more of these roles.

The consequences of bullying are many. Children will go to  great lengths to avoid being the victim of a bully. If they are  not prepared in a positive way, they will naturally resort to  negative ways of coping such as cutting class, feigning illness,  poor grades, and social withdrawal. 

For a child repeatedly victimized by a bully, humiliation, fear,  anxiety, and depression are constant companions that can lead to  harmful, shocking, and unexpected behavior from an otherwise shy  and timid child.

Victims may feel ashamed and tend to view themselves as  failures. They are more prone to stress related illnesses such  as headaches and stomachaches. In extreme cases, the victim of  a bully can experience sever depression and entertain thoughts  of suicide.

Lack of safety is a top concern to young people, and bullying is  a real and constant threat. When a child's sense of security is  compromised, the child usually responds by taking the role of  bystander, even if the victim is a friend. This burdens a child  and may cause him or her to harbor feelings of guilt because  they did nothing to stop or prevent the bullying. Reasons for 
not reporting bullying or helping a friend in trouble include  fear of retribution and exclusion as well as other personal  consequences.

A lack of security deeply damages the learning environment and  process. It may result in the disruption of the classroom, and  preoccupy students. It can also inhibit a child's creativity  and self-expression. Subsequently, this leads to poor attention  spans and academic achievements suffer. 


Prepare Your Child For The Bully

• Teach your child to walk tall and proud and to maintain eye  contact. Body language is important in all aspects of your  child's life. Portraying a positive, self-confident stature  will help your child cope in many areas.
  

• Teach your child to accompany the confident posture with  positive, self-affirming thoughts that valid his or her rights  as a person. These affirmations will aid your child in  speaking up without provoking a bully, and very well serve  to defuse the situation.
  

• The element of surprise can make the bully take a step back.  Bullies like easy prey. A joke, a flip comment, or a question  is an unexpected response to harassment, and might be just  enough to make the bully think his actions aren't delivering  the desired outcome.
  

• Help your child to identify role models. Encourage your child  to read stories that inspire. Share this time with your child  and point out how strength of character and perseverance can  achieve positive outcomes without resorting to violence or  force.
  

• Writing is another avenue to help your child cope. Encourage  your child to keep a diary or journal, write poetry, or write  songs. Creativity and self-expression are important and  productive tools used to work through negative issues.  Writing provides a safe outlet for a child. Point out the  benefits of journaling positive experiences as well as 
  expressing their feelings about bullying.
  

• Friendships are very important. If you child has difficulties  making or maintaining friends, intervene and help. Friendships  are a protection against bullying. Observe and identify  children that might have things in common with your child and  arrange a visit. Encourage your child to join activities that  will build strength and confidence.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Patricia Gatto, together with her husband, John De Angelis are  the authors of MILTON'S DILEMMA, a 32-page children's book.  Richly illustrated by Kenneth Vincent, this is the tale of a  lonely boy and his struggles with the school bullies. 

MILTON'S DILEMMA addresses the issues in an entertaining, yet  thorough and provoking manner. The authors present their story  at schools, libraries, and community events in an effort to help  children identify and cope with the negative and aggressive  behavior of bullying. Their goal is to foster awareness and  provide children with an understanding of their rights to a  safe and healthy learning environment.

MILTON'S DILEMMA is available  through Joyful  Productions on the web at http://www.joyfulproductions.com, Amazon.com, and by calling 570-857-0255. 

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Take a Stand. 
Lend a Hand. Stop Bullying Now! [cited June 2004] Available
from http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov.

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