Your Letters

• Is it possible to have this site translated into other languages, like German and French?
• How do I know who is scammer and who is for real?
• What expectations Russian women have about marriage to a foreigner?
• Will a Russian letter be acceptable for Ukrainian lady?
• Do you handle the translation of letters?
• What Russian women think of guys with long hair?
• Will a Russian woman be interested in childless marriage life?
• Will a Russian woman date a man who is over weight? How is weight seen in Russia?

Is it possible to have this site translated into other languages, like German and French?

Thank you for being here. I am proud that such a site exists, it shows that a Russian woman who happened to have been underestimated and misapprehended lately abroad for her trials to be happy, - she, like any other woman in the world deserves to be so and not only in her own country for all people are the same no matter where they are coming from"... it is a personality that counts first and not nationality", - as it is said precisely here on your site. It would be great to have this site translated into other languages, like German and French to start with. All this is a lot of work but is worth doing, really! I am Russian and my English is quite good to understand everything what is written, whereas my husband, being a Frenchmen, he can only touch the notes. I am sure that it would  be easier for him to read it and no doubt he would be captured while reading, if there was a French version of the site too. Why it is so necessary? Your valuable advice and answers to many questions translated into other languages would allow to clear up many situations not only for the single men who are looking forward to being married with a Russian woman but those who already are. If it's practically impossible for you  to have the site translated within the near future or in the future in general, could you publish the list of the-same-subject sites in French and German, if any exists. Good wishes, Maria

Elena Petrova:

Dear Maria,

Thank you for your kind words. Yes, we were thinking about translating the site into other languages but it is a great work indeed. For your husband, there is a way of translating the whole web pages through Google.com translation tool. A similar service is offered by Altavista.com. It can translate the whole web page into multiple languages. The translation will not be perfect but it will be readable.

How do I know who is scammer and who is for real?

I am a Texas Lady who has been chatting with a younger man from the Ukraine. And one other young man from Yugoslavia Serbia in Belgrade. A gal pal of mine found your web site, and thought that you might assist me with my issues surrounding these two men that want to meet me and possibly marry me. Please let me know what you think, as I know this seems more geared towards Russian Women meeting Men.  So any info would be greatly appreciated, as this is all so new to me and no one else that I know has ever met any one from Serbia or the Ukraine.

I really loved all of your answers as they seem to describe me, even though I am an American, I think in general, that most women want the same regardless of where they were born.  But it sure was great to read the way you put it all down into words, as I stated above this is so new to me, this cyber dating, and I'm happy as well as scared. I placed my ad on American Singles in March of this year, and I have been chatting with two men.  One from the Ukraine and one from Yugoslavia Serbia-Belgrade. I became so at ease reading your statements, as I do not want to play games with these two wonderful men.  I did feel a bit guilty for chatting to both of them, of course they do not know about the other one, but they may be chatting with other women too, right, and like you stated they may find a local lady or even another foreigner, before we meet up.  So for now, I just want help to be sure that these two gentlemen are for real, and not out to scam me. Thank you so much Jeanette.

Elena Petrova:

Jeanette,

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad people find my website useful.

Regarding your question, you will never be scammed if you do not send money overseas. Or, after meeting in person, if you do not try to fool yourself and properly check if the man is really interested in you or just faking his interest.

I would suggest, read the Anti-scam guide http://www.womenrussia.com/antiscam.htm, it is 30+ pages, and it will give you all the answers and tools you need. It is written as in regard to men seeking a wife but it will be just as operational for you.

What expectations Russian women have about marriage to a foreigner?

Hello Elena. Thank you for your web site. I have found your information and insight into Russian culture and customs very interesting and very helpful. I am particularly intrigued by the Russian wedding custom and now look forward to a wonderful occasion. In particular I look forward to helping her best friend visit the UK for the wedding as a big surprise. 

In a few weeks time my fiancée Inna will arrive from the Ukraine. Inna is 27 and I am 47 though we have met twice already (Inna came to the UK for ten weeks earlier this year). Although my feelings for her are beyond words I cannot seem to get a grasp of how exactly she feels about me. Certainly 
she is leaving much behind and undertaking a lot of work to be with me so that must say a lot. I was therefore relieved to read that Russian women have great difficultly in expressing themselves emotionally. This is true of Inna. I am sure that men with honorable intentions (like myself) would very much appreciate your advice and insight into what a Russian/Ukraine women expects from married life after the wedding. For example: I was surprised to learn that Russian/Ukraine women appreciate a strong and decisive men and are frustrated when asked to make decisions. 

The only disagreements Inna and I have experienced were misunderstandings when she thought I was being indecisive (trying to establish where she would like to go one day) or being cheap/mean when she thought I was trying to save money between restaurant menus (I was deciding whether to treat her to Tai or Chinese food - not price). When I adopted a more positive and dominant role in the relationship, Inna responded positively and became more relaxed. This is very much in contrast to how Western men are usually expected to behave. I am certain that any information or insights you can share with men like myself will be very much appreciated and will help Western men and Russian/Ukraine women find happiness in their lives together. Kind regards, John. 

Elena Petrova:

Dear John

Thank you for your kind words. Regarding expectations about the life in a marriage, a Russian woman has no to very little expectations about her married life abroad. For her, the romance novel ends where people marry, and therefore it should be "they lived happily ever after". It might seems surprising but for many years getting married for a woman in Russia was a great value by itself, so Russian women have this drive to get married but they are very flexible and adaptable in regard to the married life. 

In Russia, a woman is expected to do all the housework and take care of children on her own, without her husband's help, plus have a full time job. This is one of the reasons why so many Russian women believe foreign men make better husbands (I would say, they are not wrong here), so a woman will not be very happy if the same family model is imposed on her abroad. Though taking care of home, making food and looking after children is considered in Russia a natural women's responsibility, women appreciate when men help.

But if you overdo with this help (i.e. do everything yourself and do no ask her for help), she might quickly jump on the opportunity and do nothing at home, unless you request her to do something. In Russia, people do not wait until somebody offers help; they feel if person needs help, they will ask for it - and it will be happily granted. But if you do not ask for help, it is unlikely a Russian will come and offer their help. 

Also, explain your wife how finances work in your country: mortgage, credit cards, checks, social security, insurance and medical aid payments, etc. They do not have those things in Russia, everything is paid cash in advance or at the time of the service being provided.

Explain about the education and the system of admission to college, about holidays (they do not have any analogues of Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving and many other holidays), about social rituals (what is expected from her on which occasion).

Those are simple things that may cause big problems if they are not explained, because of difference in culture, and are not easy to pick up on her own. Don't think you will offend her; she will be happy you explain her those things. Just tell her that since she comes from a different culture, many things will be different for her and you do not want her to feel uncomfortable, so she must please be patient with you, if you seem to tell her things that she knows very well and that are the same in her culture. Among all the dozens things that are the same may be one or two things that are very different and may cause her to feel embarrassed if she did not know about them.

Will a Russian letter be acceptable for Ukrainian lady? 
Do you handle the translation of letters?

I have been through what seems like thousands of profiles. Recently, I came upon a profile (and video clip) of a woman I am particularly interested in contacting. Unfortunately, she is not on this site, rather AFA. She is from the Ukraine. Naturally, I wish to make the best first impression. Although she lists her English ability as 'fair' I think she does not give herself enough credit (much better than fair to me.) She lists that she can also speak Russian. This is different than reading Russian. I would very much like to have her receive the most favorable impression of me, thus a translated letter makes perfect sense to me. Two questions:

1. Will a Russian language letter be acceptable to her? As opposed to Ukrainian? I do not wish to burden her, I realize both are of Slavic origins but different.
2. Even though she is listed with AFA, may I contract with you (your firm) to handle the translation of my introduction letter? 

Thank you for your time and assistance, Glen.

Elena Petrova:

Dear Glen

About 50% of population of Ukraine are Russians. They do not speak Ukrainian though they understand Ukrainian. ALL Ukrainians speak Russian fluently. Many Ukrainians cannot speak fluent Ukrainian but speak fluent Russian. This means, it is perfectly fine to send a letter in Russian to any Ukrainian woman. 

The Ukrainian government tries to make the use of Russian language illegal but even most private ads in newspapers are in Russian (companies' ads have to be in Ukrainian). It will be still quite a few years before Ukrainians will learn to read in Ukrainian.

Yes, you can order translation from us even though the person who it is intended for is not from our agency. We will send translation to you, and you will send it to the recipient.

What do Russian women think of guys with long hair?

I am asking this question and I am not sure if it a culture related or not. I am thinking about trying out your site, but one I think I must ask first. See I am 32 years of age and I work a lot, at a good job and I am looking to start a family, and I am not the greatest looking guy in the world and I have long hair. Do women in Russia find that to be offensive when a male has long hair, here many do. I know it sounds stupid, but I would like to know what you have to say. Thanks Adam

Elena Petrova:

Dear Adam

Women in Russia also dislike long hair. I believe they feel that a man with long hair should be somewhat controversial, and since they want security, long hair does not fit the image of a man who is secure - not only in the sense of financial security but also in the sense of their future physical safety. I know it may sound silly but this is the image people in Russia have. It is usually controversial musicians/rockers who have long hair, or bikers.

So if you do not want to cut your hair and still want to find a Russian wife, you should take care that on your photos you have a pony tale and look very safe and secure (suit and tie will be the best).

Will a Russian woman be interested in childless marriage life?

Correspondence 1

I read your article, "Mail Order Brides?  Not!!!" and wanted to provide an observation and comment I hope you find useful. I am an intelligent, good looking, educated single man living in the United State since my divorce many years ago; Have used personal ads to meet women for dating and possible marriage.  I am referring to personal ads in newspapers and the internet specifically targeted to local men and women in my local community. There always has been, and continues to be, a negative connotation about meeting via an "advertisement" from those who met their partners by other "more natural" means or "by chance". I don't think the media causes this negative impression, It's already in the minds of a good number of the individuals that comprise our population; and the media is only echoing a strong sediment that already exists.  And our media treats the idea of an American man meeting Russian woman with the same distaste especially knowing the cultural differences provide additional pressures that can doom new relationships.

I recently became interested in Russian women when I learned they are highly educated, hard working, unspoiled, and career oriented, not to mention physically beautiful. I have a question that I hope you can help me with because the answer is personally very important to me.

Regarding the woman I want to make a commitment to, I have very specific preferences regarding height, weight, and "body type". Do you think my quest is unreasonable, particularly regarding my choice not to have children at this point in my life? Can I find a woman that wants to practice a good career, while enjoying the benefits of staying young with weight training, running, swimming, dance and travel with an honest reliable man such as me? That would be great fun and very fulfilling without kids! Thanks. Stephen

Elena Petrova:

Dear Stephen

In my experience, it is EXTREMELY difficult to meet a single Russian woman of child bearing age that will agree not to have children in a marriage. We had such requests from some of our individual clients, and they eventually had to adjust their search as they were not happy with the quality of women available that agreed to this request.  

Any decent Russian woman wants to have children in her marriage. This is the way they were brought up. A woman without marriage and children is considered as trash in Russia. A married woman without children is considered as very unfortunate, even "defective", and looked down upon by any woman who has children. Therefore it is very difficult to promote the idea of not having children in the marriage to any Russian woman of child bearing age, unless she is desperate.

On etymological level, the Russian word "family" ("sem'ya") also means "marriage", i.e. Russian word "family" can also mean a union of two people without children. Any two people that are married are already considered as "family" according to Russian understanding of this word, regardless of they have children or not. The Russian word which can be now used as translation for the word "marriage" is "brak", which is a fairly new word in Russian, and this word also has another meaning - "defective". So through the years in Russia marriage was considered as family. Even now, you can often see words "I want to create a family" in questionnaires of Russian women. It is a stable expression for saying "I want to get married". Even women of 45-50 years use this expression. It does not mean that they want to have children in their marriage (they are physically unfit), only the desire to get married. But through the use of the word "family" in a stable language construction you can see that marriage and family mean basically the same thing for Russian women.

In fact, having 2 children on my own, I must agree that there are much more possibilities for people to enjoy life if they do not have children. Ultimately, there are much more possibilities for people to enjoy life if they are not married at all, which will provide diversity and wealth of experiences, including sexual experiences with multiply partners. Potentially, having multiply sexual partners can provide a person with larger variety of experiences than traveling the world. So at the end of the day, it is a question of moral obligations and ability to enjoy certain things without feeling guilty.

To be able to enjoy a definite life style, this life style should be acceptable for the person. Life style of a childless married woman is not acceptable for the majority of Russian women of child bearing age. It is only if she adjusts her ideas of what is acceptable, she can agree to this life style. But she cannot do it from outside the culture where such life style is acceptable, i.e. she cannot adjust to American norms of what is acceptable and what is not, being in Russia.

Actually, the most profound reason why Russian women seek husbands abroad is that an unmarried woman has no social status in Russia, where a respectable woman should be married, with children. In order to gain the respectable social status a woman has to lower her requirements to a potential mate (which will only produce an unhappy marriage and divorce in a short time as the result), or she has to look elsewhere. 

Therefore, contrary to the popular belief, looking for a better life is NOT the most important reason that is driving Russian women to seek husbands abroad. The real reason is that they want to be considered as "worthy" by their reference group (people whose opinion is important for them), and this is why they seek marriage abroad (they don't mind to marry somebody from Russia, but because of demographic reasons it is difficult to fulfill in Russia - there are more women than men in Russia, 88 males for 100 females).

A childless marriage will be viewed by a Russian woman as "defective", and therefore will not cater for her need to gain the social status. This is the dynamics behind the phenomena. So the answer to your question if it is possible to find in Russia a single woman that agrees not to have children in a marriage is "Most likely not". But a woman may agree on childless marriage if: (1) she already has a child on her own or her children are grown up (she already fulfilled her obligation towards society as a mother); (2) she has a chronic medical condition that does not allow to have children; and (3) she is over 35 and already came to terms with the idea that she will never have children on her own. In those cases women will consider the idea of childless marriage.

Correspondence 2

I own several businesses and would also like my future partner to help me run them, or for her to eventually find some other career for herself that helps keep her mind active while satisfying her need to contribute to something greater than herself.  Or to start some new business together if that would help her feel more comfortable.  I'm also a good cook and fix many healthy meals at home for myself and friends, and I would enjoy cooking with my partner more than having her take care of me by fixing my meals.  So I'm not looking for a woman to take care of me ... rather I want an equal partnership with a strong woman ... strong in body, mind and spirit!

You bring up many interesting aspects about morality, sex, and marriage. I know that I would have definitely wanted children when I was younger if our population was on the decline and it was "suggested" as being in our "best" national interest.  Family and friends always comment on what a great father I would make!  And believe it or not, there are many in our culture that think it is not right for a man such as myself to go through is life without children.  Aside from morality, I find that our culture is terribly spoiled ... and I don't put myself into that category given my commitment to athleticism and the hard work and long hours it takes to earn my money and run my businesses.

If I had had children and done all the things I have done in my life, I would not have been around much for my children, and I think on balance that would have been the most selfish possible action from the perspective of the children and their mother?  I've worked hard to live my life in a responsible manner. I'm left feeling that I may not find my "heart's desire" from the Euro-Asia market of single women given the difficulty of my request.  And I greatly appreciate your help in sorting this all out. Regards Stephen.

Elena Petrova:

Dear Stephen

I think if you aim your search on women 35-39, you will find women that have accepted they will never have marriage and children, and for them, even having a marriage will be a great bonus. There are many women like this in Russia; especially better educated and intelligent, who just cannot find an equal partner (Russian men are really afraid of intelligent and strong willed women). It is also extremely hard for those women to find such men abroad. If you have good exposure, your task will be possible to accomplish. I would suggest you have a look at our option of Platinum Membership on Elena's Models: http://www.elenasmodels.com/services/platinum.htm. This option gives you the facility to put your ad in front of thousands Russian women seeking a partner abroad, or simple interested in the subject (we have a free e-book on our site "How to marry a foreigner"). Currently our Russian site yields 13,000 unique visitors a month (just imagine this crowd! :-), and the number is constantly growing.

The price for Platinum Membership is quite high but it is negligible comparing with what you might spend on the whole venture. But this way will instantly show you if what you are looking for is possible. You will be able to state all your requirements and important points in your ad, and see what kind of response you get. Your response will be overwhelming, this I can say for sure, but probably only about 10% will be of any interest for you (some women will be not your taste, the others will not meet your requirements but write in the hope "What if?"). But those 10% will worth the effort.

In your case, "testing the waters" will not work, because your target is a very small, exclusive group of people who are scarce to find. It is only a great exposure that can help you to find them, or your search will be destined to fail before you even start. I would not suggest bringing up your opinion about children in your ad, since it may produce an unfavorable (unconscious) impression about your ethics. Many women think a man who does not want to have his own children does not love children in general, with all the consequences arising from this fact, such as being inconsiderate, unkind etc.

If a woman does not raise the question of children in your correspondence herself, avoid discussing this question for as long as possible, preferably until you meet in person and fall in love. For a man she loves, a Russian woman will do anything. Especially, if she did not raise the question of children previously, which means it is not her highest priority. But if you raise the question on an early stage of the relationship, she can back up into self-defense and following her (unknown for her) built-in social programs.

Correspondence 3

Thank you for your attention to my matter and concerns, and special thanks for your frank and honest suggestions; in particular the idea of not mentioning my future "childless" preferences initially unless she brings up the question prior to meeting.  I have tried to get similar suggestions from other agencies and been told those kinds of decisions are up to me; which is unwise because I have no experience in these matters.

I agree with your suggestion that it would be best to generate a large number of responses to get a large enough group of possibilities to improve my chances of success.  So the package you suggest appears to be a proper and good way to proceed.

But I have a dilemma Elena. This is a very busy time of the year for me, should I start the search now or wait?  I would like to start now.  For the most part I have very limited amount of free time right now to correspond. Furthermore, I am being honest when I confide in you that I am not comfortable quickly scheduling a visit to meet in person with the immediate intent of marriage.  I am hoping that because I am primarily focusing on "older" women that they will be willing to correspond with me for some time to get acquainted without the usual risk of loosing her to a competing man. I would prefer and enjoy getting responses now if my limited free time does not hinder the process ... and proceeding slowly and cautiously is my preferred "style" that I am most comfortable in proceeding.  In addition to this being a busy time of year for me, realistically I would prefer to postpone any marriage arrangements for approximately three years, and the only window of time I could possibly travel in any particular year for the next several years would be mid October through February.  And I know this does not correspond with the better warmer weather.  I live in Tucson where few of us have reason to own any heavy-duty warm winter clothing!

I would like to get responses now to get my feet wet and see what's out there if you think my slow approach is not unduly unfair to the girls.  I think it is in my best interest to begin taking responses right away and be patient in slowly developing a list of prospects before planning my first trip.  My thought is that I would not get away with this slow approach if I was competing for the most marketable younger girls, while my smaller target group having fewer offers will afford me this additional luxury or time?  And of course if a miracle occurred and it was unwise to delay I would have to  adjust my timing and approach.  I'm ready to get started now but also wanting to proceed slowly and cautiously.

Elena Petrova:

3 years? No woman will wait for so long. After 3 months of correspondence they want to meet, or they feel you are just one of Internet romantics that write for ages but never appear in person. Russian women forums are full of stories like this, and all experienced women advise to drop the correspondent who is not willing to commit himself to a visit within half a year after 2-3 months of successful correspondence. The fact that a woman is not very young just makes her feel her time is ticking away real fast and in 1-2 years no one will be interested in her. Even if a woman likes you, she will choose another man who is more decisive because she cannot be 100% sure you will ever proceed with marriage. I know men who manage to keep the women on the hook for years but only after a personal meeting with them, and still, I feel it is unfair to the women to keep them waiting for so long. If you are unable to offer a woman a prospective of engagement to be married within 12 months, and possible marriage within 18 months (this is maximum), rather do not start this venture.

Will a Russian woman date a man who is overweight? How is weight seen in Russia?

Americans have a serious problem with overeating, and as a result are obese. Since I'm an overweight man, I was wondering if a Russian woman would be less likely to consider me for life partner? Thanks Jaric

Elena Petrova:

Dear Jaric

Since Russian people are seldom overweight, they prefer men whose height and weight are proportional. But it does not mean you do not stand a chance. Any man can find a decent Russian woman who will be interested in him. The key is to look for a woman who is compatible with you, and not for a "trophy wife". Your personality is more important for Russian women than your appearance, but the man should at least look decent and be tidy.

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