This eBook May Bring You the Man of Your Dreams

Eager to learn more about this wonderful ebook?  I do have an ebook that demystifies midlife dating for women, but first, a little story.

When I was finishing my college degree and doing the required teaching internship at the local high school, I worked with a special man named Mr. Sletten.  Mr. Sletten taught English:  freshman English, sophomore English, junior English, a seniors honors' class, and then the "other" senior English class.  It had a euphemistic name I don't recall, but when I reviewed their curriculum for the semester, I knew I was in for something different. While I
would be teaching the honors' English class "MacBeth" and Satire, the agenda for this "other" class included the Sears catalogue.

In this rural Minnesota high school, Mr. Sletten, who was the only teacher there with a master's degree, had a special mission.  This "other" class, he said, was the one he was most excited about.  "This will be their last formal
education," he told me.  "They will return to the family farm, or maybe work on an assembly line in the city, or join the military. They will also be prey to every con-artist. That's why we read the Sears catalogue."

"Oh," I said.  And when I met the class for the first time, my low level of enthusiasm sunk even further.  There was the captain of the football team, who had been passed through high school for the sake of the state championship, who sat in the back of the room chewing gum, holding court, and daring me to wrest control of the class from him.  The girl next to him spent most of the hour with moony eyes looking at her engagement ring.  17 years old and engaged??  I was attending a college that didn't allow married students.

I tried to talk about Vietnam. The Vietnam I knew from the college campus via the demonstrations, and learned that they, and their parents, were all for it.

I asked them what they liked to read, and they replied, "Nothing," or "comic books," or "I don't."

With our different backgrounds, I didn't see how I could relate to these kids.  Mr. Sletten led the way.  "You have an engagement ring on your finger," he said, "and so does Pearl.  What do you think she thinks about all day long?
What are her dreams? Ask her to write about it."

What Mr. Sletten was doing, was teaching emotional intelligence.  There was no name for this back then; in fact it's only become part of our language in the past 10 years or so.  He was teaching it to these students who were not on
any academic track, and to me, who was on a highly academic track; and both parties were in need of it.

What is emotional intelligence?  There are various definitions - common sense, understanding emotions in yourself and others and managing them to make good decisions, factors besides cognitive intelligence that determine your ability to succeed in life . and one I often use:  the interface between thinking and emotions.

Daniel Goleman, who popularized the concept of EQ, wrote: "We have gone too far in emphasizing the value and import of the purely rational.  For better or for worse, intelligence can come to nothing when the emotions hold sway."  And this brings us back to the title of this article.

Pearl and I were both at-risk for misunderstanding that quote, and the sales-pitch title of this article. 

Goleman has another well-known quote that's often misunderstood.  In fact, it's the subtitle of his book, "Emotional Intelligence:  Why It Can Matter More Than IQ."

Using your EQ means keeping your fantasies (emotions) at bay, and paying attention to the grammar.

"Can" and "may" are putative words (possiblities) not absolutes, not guarantees.  EQ CAN matter more than IQ, but IQ CAN also matter more than EQ.  (We like the two combined, and we like that while IQ can't be changed much, EQ can always be developed.)  Emotions not held at bay CAN negate your cognitive intelligence.  Then again, when not held at
bay, they CAN impel you to super-human acts. Goleman did not claim it DOES matter more.

Reading this ebook MAY bring you the man of your dreams, but so MAY dying your hair blond, getting a better education, or dumb luck.

We know that the emotional states of fear and anger, for instance, can shut down our ability to think and make good decisions.   So can lust.  These are the states, when unmanaged that cause us to do and say things about which we later say, "What came over me?" or "What was I thinking?" or "That wasn't like me," or "The devil made me do it."

Any state of great "excitement" may render our thinking brains inoperable! That's what EQ is all about. Understanding emotions, managing them, and making wise choices.

But strong emotions can also motivate us and enable us to do tremendous things. Goleman relates in his book the story of the Chaunceys, who were traveling on a train with their 11 year old daughter who was confined to a wheelchair with cerebral palsy. When the train crashed into a bayou, the
adoring managed to push their daughter out a window to safety before they themselves perished.

We hear of people lifting cars up that have fallen on their loved ones, reacting in split seconds to save their own lives, killing beasts with their bare hands, and even what many of us do every day - working long, hard hours at difficult jobs because we care about our families.

Peter Drucker, the business guru, said "We know nothing about motivation.  All we can do is write books about it." 

Richard Branson, on the other hand, does understand motivation. Branson began his entrepreneurial career at the age of 17, and now runs the Virgin Group, an international conglomerate of companies with more than $8 billion in sales a year.

"I always have tried to make sure I work from an environment that's pleasant and fun," he said, in an article on FastCompany.  "If the chairman's having fun, it's easier for everyone else . and if it's fun, you're going to keep going
until you drop."

Later he added, "Lavish praise on people and people will flourish; criticize people and they'll shrivel up."

What's hard about those principals?  Sound like common sense? Then why are those things so rare in companies - fun, and praise? And why are we foggy about motivation?

Studies over the years have shown what few managers instigate in the workplace:  that the number one thing employees care about is something called "being appreciated." It matters in most cases more than the title, more than the money, and more than the prestige.

Whoever it was who said there's nothing common about common sense, was right on target.  Does emotional intelligence matter more than IQ?  If you had to choose one or the other, which would you choose? Those are academic questions.  The fact is that you have the IQ you were born with.  The EQ you have is what you've decided it will be, and it can be increased at any time.  Developing it will benefit you. Look at it this way.  If you were choosing between two candidates with relatively equal experience, training, and education, which one would you choose?  Maybe like Branson, the one who'd be the most fun to work with?  (Certainly the one who could get along the best in today's information/team work age.)

Mr. Sletten was a man ahead of his time  He incorporated emotional intelligence into the high school curriculum because he knew it was needed.   Have you incorporated it into your personal curriculum?

P.S., remember to use your noggin when reading ads.  Don't let your fears  and fantasies make you prey to every con-artist.  We all need to know how to read those Sears catalogues.

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Susan offers individual coaching, EQ culture programs for businesses, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. She also trains and certifies EQ coaches.

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